My First Mothers' Day Without Mama.

It's been 56 days since I last touched her, 50 days since I last talked to her (and she was still able to respond), and 40+ days since I last hugged her. Thinking about everything is painful. This explains why I haven't been able to post anything about the death, the wake, the burial, just yet. Everything is TOO PAINFUL.

And just today the advanced side of the world celebrated Mothers' Day. This day is actually one of the most celebrated days I do for Mama since I was in grade school. I can clearly remember the first real gift I gave her. It was a card I made from extra forgotten sheets of bond paper, way back in the 2nd grade. Sorta foolish of me to include Papa on the greetings (seriously I thought only moms were celebrated then, eh kasi nga nauuna ang mothers' day di ba? so I thought wala nang kasunod. hehe.) Anyway, yea, we made it in Arts class under Ma'am Paz Yanga and said we should give it to our moms. I gave it to her, I was kinda shy to hand it over 'cos of the mediocre craftsmanship. But I still did. (Segue: We also made something for someone during Valentine's Day of that same grade and I gave it to Mama also.) I really cherish every celebration of this day, never forgetting to greet her, or sometimes (if I have money), surprise her with gifts and flowers.

You might be thinking "Hindi naman por que wala na ang mama mo eh titigil ka na sa pagccelebrate ng Mothers' Day.." well, you have a point. It's just that, I was used to seeing her everyday, touching her, kissing her and hugging her. I was used to her naggings and sermons. I was used to the heat her body emits and how she smells every time I smell her. I was used to the routine of buying something/s for her and make her smile knowing she appreciates it/them. I was used to having her care for us, commend us and feel uber proud of us. The list goes on and on, but I can enumerate every single thing I miss about her, us.

Help me get used to this, 'ma. Sorry for being weak. Until now. Still hasn't sinked in.

I love you. Happy Mothers' Day.
*koala hugs*