“The world went and got itself in a big damn hurry.”

It's been 4 days since I marched up my college graduation stage. Still can't believe I'm not a student anymore. After seven years of studying in college, I'm finally free, finally... an official part-time bum. Lol. Have you ever watched Shawshank Redemption? Remember the prison librarian, Brooks? (Coincidentally, I am a librarian, too, ha ha). In the film, Brooks had been afraid of going back to the outside world. For him, home was his small prison library. He even tried to murder one of his prison-mates so that he would remain inside. Institutionalization at its finest.

That's how I feel now. I feel scared. I feel unsure and worried about being here, being one of the hungry people vying to take a position from the job market. I'm not good with competitions. I was born unlucky. I've never experienced winning a prize from a raffle draw. I think I am weak. I do not prefer competing with others because, for me, the idea of me winning while the others lose is crazy and unjust.

Anyway, it's now April 26. I have at least a week to wait for the results of my scholarship application. Damn it. Prolonging my agony. I'm not even expecting to be the Chosen One from the pool of tens or hundreds of Filipino graduates wanting to study for free in Korea. It is very unlikely that they get me. Oh well.

In any case, I'm just glad I have graduated. Someday, I'll go back to UP Manila and UP Diliman and etch my name somewhere...

"Zeng was here."